Thursday, November 10, 2011

Benched

Bench by griangrafanna
Bench, a photo by griangrafanna on Flickr.
I have been benched. I was ready to work from home today, but my boss told me to rest until Monday. Oddly enough, this is what my doctor said too.

I went to the doctor yesterday and she put me on steroids and some ass-kicking antibiotics. The steroids go to work right away and make me feel like I am a lot better than I am. I know my boss is right, but it is still so hard for me to rest knowing that my whole team is working harder because I am not there. More than one person has messaged me to say that they really miss me. Ugh.

I have been sitting here, alternately dozing and wrestling with myself all morning. Why can't I just get up and work? My grandmother could do it. NOTHING stopped her. I remember a story about a time when all four of her kids were sick. She took them to the doctor and all four had Strep throat. On her way out, the doctor asked to examine her as well. He said she had it too and needed to rest. She thanked him very much and went home and took care of her family just like she always did.

There are countless stories like that about her. She could go on no matter what. So, no wonder I feel like an inferior loser when I have to stay in bed for three days to kick asthmatic bronchitis. I'm just laying here, fretting over not being with my team. I am really tired and would like to take a nap. I'm thinking maybe a mind dump would help. Sorry to dump my mind on you, dear readers, but I think this is the only way I am going to get to sleep. These are the reasons I am uptight about turning my work self off and resting:

1. I am going to have a procedure later this year to remove uterine fibroids. This will keep me out of work for one day and working from home/bed for two weeks. Knowing that this is coming already (and not being comfortable with it) is making me feel like I can't get sick and miss any other time.

2. My team is already taxed. I feel very bad about them having to add my work to their plates.

3. There are exciting new things going on and I am missing them.

4. I genuinely like and miss my team.

5. There are some things that won't get done as well if I don't do them (hello control freak).

6. Speaking of control freak, I don't like having down time forced upon me. I like to take it when I choose to.

7. I am bored (even if I am too sick to do anything).

8. I am lonely.

Oh, and I am whiny apparently. So yeah, that's pretty much it in a nutshell. I still don't feel better about being sick. And I bet this blog post sucks. It's boring, whiny and written by someone who is on some very strong cough medicine. I will check for grammar errors later. Meanwhile, I'll nap with any luck.

6 comments:

Chrisa said...

Buck up, sweetie. You neglected to add that you typically work 100 hours a week, rarely take any time for yourself, don't sleep well, and haven't taken any ACTUAL vacation time this year, so the only time you get off is when you're on your deathbed.

ShesAllWrite said...

You have a point there, Chrisa. What am I going to do about this?

lilnerdette said...

Bah, I lost my comment, but I'll be brief:
1) We don't need another hero. So no comparing yourself to your grandmother who sounds like she didn't have any help.
2) You have a team, so let them carry the load for now. They will be OK.
3) Listen to your body and rest. Be an indulgent sick person and pamper yourself--you need it!
4) Carve out time for yourself. If you have to put it in your calendar, then do so. You must. Otherwise everything else gets out of balance, like your body. :-)
5) It might help to have people hold you accountable as you learn how to be kinder to yourself. I can be a good, but kind, nag!
6) I'm online a lot, so if you wanna chat (just name the platform!), holler.

Feel better! xoxo d*

Bex said...

Urg. Turning off the brain at will is a skill I have yet to master. The stupid merry-go-round of fretting is sooo hard to break free from. If you can't get to sleep, choose some low energy super boring activity to help you break the cycle while not revving you up or wearing you out. Catch up on your filing or organize you socks & undies, or jewelry, music, or books. DO NOT clean your entire apartment, rough house with the dog, or haul all your back laundry up & down to the basement. REST. -your other mother.

Alana said...

The trick is in the NyQuil. Sleeping people don't get bored. ;)

So...did you make an appointment yet? Hmm?

Tonight the role of nagging mom will be played by...me.

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