Thursday, November 10, 2011
I went to the doctor yesterday and she put me on steroids and some ass-kicking antibiotics. The steroids go to work right away and make me feel like I am a lot better than I am. I know my boss is right, but it is still so hard for me to rest knowing that my whole team is working harder because I am not there. More than one person has messaged me to say that they really miss me. Ugh.
I have been sitting here, alternately dozing and wrestling with myself all morning. Why can't I just get up and work? My grandmother could do it. NOTHING stopped her. I remember a story about a time when all four of her kids were sick. She took them to the doctor and all four had Strep throat. On her way out, the doctor asked to examine her as well. He said she had it too and needed to rest. She thanked him very much and went home and took care of her family just like she always did.
There are countless stories like that about her. She could go on no matter what. So, no wonder I feel like an inferior loser when I have to stay in bed for three days to kick asthmatic bronchitis. I'm just laying here, fretting over not being with my team. I am really tired and would like to take a nap. I'm thinking maybe a mind dump would help. Sorry to dump my mind on you, dear readers, but I think this is the only way I am going to get to sleep. These are the reasons I am uptight about turning my work self off and resting:
1. I am going to have a procedure later this year to remove uterine fibroids. This will keep me out of work for one day and working from home/bed for two weeks. Knowing that this is coming already (and not being comfortable with it) is making me feel like I can't get sick and miss any other time.
2. My team is already taxed. I feel very bad about them having to add my work to their plates.
3. There are exciting new things going on and I am missing them.
4. I genuinely like and miss my team.
5. There are some things that won't get done as well if I don't do them (hello control freak).
6. Speaking of control freak, I don't like having down time forced upon me. I like to take it when I choose to.
7. I am bored (even if I am too sick to do anything).
8. I am lonely.
Oh, and I am whiny apparently. So yeah, that's pretty much it in a nutshell. I still don't feel better about being sick. And I bet this blog post sucks. It's boring, whiny and written by someone who is on some very strong cough medicine. I will check for grammar errors later. Meanwhile, I'll nap with any luck.